Brazil’s Cult of People and the Meaning of Freedom

A woman watching the Hulu series The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives found herself stopped by a scene. In it, a young woman argues with her mother over a long list of rules for how the daughter should behave. The daughter has been avoiding church, facing the threat of excommunication, and trying to keep her freedom without losing her family.

The scene made the observer reflect on a universal struggle: the conflict between being true to oneself and the need to belong. People are wired for connection, but that connection often comes with a price. To belong, individuals must follow rules and hide parts of themselves. This is described as an implicit agreement, a loyalty contract that people often sign before they are old enough to understand it.

The author of the original piece states she was in a “cult” for 43 years. This was not a religious cult with a leader or a compound. It was the “cult of people.” This refers to the constant pressure of other people’s needs, opinions, and expectations. It involves seeking external validation and organizing one’s inner life around what others can tolerate. The goal is to be small and agreeable enough to keep the peace and keep people close.

Nearly seven years ago, the author began leaving this cult. It started as a byproduct of the pandemic, raising a child with special needs, and therapy. She began to see how much of herself she had hidden to stay connected to people who needed her to be manageable. The process of leaving involved tears, loneliness, anxiety, and heartbreak. Her social circle shrank, and she faced the question of whether she had caused it.

Deprogramming from this “cult of people” requires distance. When a person stops performing and declines invitations out of obligation, their circle shrinks. People who are still inside the cult do not understand this withdrawal. They may take it personally because the cult needs participation to survive. However, as the author explains, abandonment loses some of its power. The person stops lying to themselves to stay connected. They begin to see the deals they made, trading pieces of themselves for belonging.

Leaving the cult of people does not feel like freedom at first. It feels like loss and loneliness. At the same time, something quieter grows underneath. It is a self that is not performing and a voice that can be trusted. The author describes this as a “both/and” situation. It is breaking down and breaking through at the same time. It involves feeling sad and longing while also knowing you deserve better.

The author acknowledges she is not fully deprogrammed. She still feels lonely and sometimes feels the pull to earn her way back into relationships that cost too much. She still grieves connections that could not survive her becoming more herself. However, she is more comfortable with sadness. She has learned to sit with herself. She now understands that the same thing that means no one will save her also means no one can stop her. The aloneness that felt like abandonment is also an open road. When a person stops organizing their life around what the group can tolerate, they can find out what they actually want and who they actually are.