Brazil Breaks Free From Victim Narrative

A few years ago, a man who worked as a director met with an older friend and mentor for coffee. The director described his difficult first year in the role. He had moved from being a counselor, where his identity was based on listening and connecting, to managing budgets, writing evaluations, and holding people accountable.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” he told his friend. “And I feel like I’m bothering people every time I ask for help.”

The friend listened. The director continued, listing his frustrations. He said people criticized him for being too nice and not enforcing rules, yet they also wanted freedom. He told his friend he was unsure how much longer he could continue.

His friend then offered an observation. “You’re seeing yourself as a victim,” he said. “Like life is just happening to you and you’re waiting for it to stop.”

The director drove home with a headache. He told himself his friend had not heard everything. But the word “victim” stayed with him. He could not sleep. He turned the word over in his mind.

He began to see truth in it. He realized he had been holding onto grievances he never expressed. He had been quietly feeling wronged without trying to change things. He pictured himself wearing a wooden sign around his neck with the word “Victim” on it. He knew he was not being punished by someone else. A part of him was choosing to wear the sign.

The director then asked himself what word he wanted to carry instead. He considered words like hero, victor, agent, creator, survivor, and overcomer. None of them fit. Then a different word came to him: Steward.

He looked up the word that night. At its root, a steward meant the keeper of the house, someone trusted to look after what belonged to a larger story. He learned a steward takes care of what has been given to them, stays present with intention, and recognizes that what they have been given is worth caring for. A victim is defined by what has been done to them. A steward is defined by what they choose to do with it.

Years later, the challenges of leadership remain. The director still struggles with criticism. A few weeks ago, a strong staff member asked for a meeting. She told him that the flexibility he was giving others was making her job harder. She said it did not feel fair when people did not follow through and faced no consequences.

Inside, the director wanted to explain he was trying to ease pressure. He recognized this was the victim talking. The victim wanted to be understood. The steward knew he was serving something bigger than his own comfort. “You’re right,” he told her. “And I’m grateful you came to me directly.” He said her feedback would help him hold clearer limits.

The director said the movement from victim to steward is an ongoing process. He still stumbles. He still feels the sign settle back around his neck and has to find his way back. He used to experience the difficulty of leadership as something happening to him. What shifted was the recognition that this season of his life was asking something of him. He was being called into service.

He said his friend had told him an uncomfortable truth. Sometimes people need someone standing close enough to point out the sign around their neck. The director said he is trying not to carry that sign anymore. When he feels it settling back, he remembers the word that replaced it: steward. Someone who tends to what they have been given, listens, and answers the call.